The Path of Peace

Islam, the path of peace, within and outside the home

And among His signs is this: He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Sura 30, ayat 21)

Islam, meaning peace and submission to the will of God, does not condone violence except for self-defense. Many verses (or ayaat) in the Quran exhort believers to justices and charity especially towards the oppressed and the downtrodden.

Intimate partner relationships, as the verse above states, should be based upon love and mutual respect. Moreover, Muhammad, the messenger of Allah, (peace be upon him), by his very example, demonstrated that domestic violence is neither necessary nor desired in any way.

The Prophet (pbuh) never beat his wives, even when he became annoyed with them. He actually helped with the housework, sought his wives' advice and was nurturing to children. Several reported sayings of the Prophet (pbuh) help to illuminate the path of peace within and outside of the home. We plan to include these on our website in the near future.

A saying of the Prophet (pbuh) even provides the basis of why both the victim and the batterer need to be helped out of his/her vicious cycle of abuse:

Allah's Apostle said, "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed. People asked, "O Allah's Apostle! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet said, "By preventing him from oppressing others." (Bukhari 3.43.624)

Despite the message of peace and the example of the Prophet (pbuh) himself to resolve domestic issues in a peaceable manner, domestic violence exists in Muslim societies, probably with the same frequency found the world over. We who work in this field know only too well that abuse crosses all boundaries - ethnic, gender, age.

Domestic violence in Muslim families is most probably due to the same power and control dynamics found in most cases of domestic violence ("DV"). The perpetrator and the survivor need to be both reminded that the ultimate power and control belongs to an omnipotent being that Muslims refer to as Allah. In Muslim societies, as with other communities, in some instances, DV has been justified by misinterpretation and misapplication of specific religious verses. The best known of these is the following:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.

As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds, (and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (Quran 4:34)

Most enlightened Islamic scholars agree that the above verse does not justify violence of any type. In addition, if the only way out of a bad situation is a divorce, then it is better for them to part. Safety of the survivor and the children is always of primary concern.